It'd have been easier if I just went through the five stages of loss till I accepted my cross. I was always In denial and stopped at anger;It was easier to be angry, I had the right to be angry!!! I didn't deserve what he did to me.
Being the daughter of a lecturer, my future was bright everyone expected the best from me. I bore the burden, excelled easily until my priorities changed. It wasn't about what everyone expected anymore, I had to prove to Joshua that I loved him.

Aborting twice was the least I did to prove my love for  him, losing my womb was scary but he told me it was going to be okay and he'd never leave me, I even endured the beating as long as he didn't cheat. I lost all but I had him and it was okay.

12 years of happiness with him and I was just a decoy. He was happily married with two kids. Even Musa was there to slaughter the wedding ram. I wondered how he made it back in time to open my gate and secure my apartment or Comfort  who made me dinner on the same day, how did she double up as the caterer and my Cook.

Watching him gasp for breath; his lasts, the knife did a good job...  it was time for me to go as I buried the knife deep into me...

I was still angry because I was the last to know.